Basic White Dudes

Short post today. I need a bit of a reprieve because life is just...gahtdamb weird right now.

One of my favorite Bumble interactions this week. Let's call this dude Mitch.

Mitch's bio: I'm 31. No kids. Have a car. I enjoy fishing, Zelda, Mario, cards, and up for a debate. I'm very vanilla until you get to know me. What is a logician?"

My message (because, reminder, women have to message first on Bumble): "Zelda, Mario, AND Cards?! That's like a trifecta of awesome, and we should definitely meet up."

Mitch: "Miss. I'm not looking for love. I'm looking for a one night stand. Sorry for wasting your time."

Me: "Who says I'm looking for love? My bio basically makes me seem like an asshole. I just want to use someone to play Rummy and Mario Kart."

My bio right now: "I've lost most of my faith in humanity. Humans are basically trash. Change my mind. Check out my ass (Because I have a selfie with my cousin's donkey...also a picture where I'm actually sticking my clothed ass out)."

First of all, no where in Mitch's bio did it say he was looking for a hookup. Like the information he has there? That's not the information needed for a hookup (I should know, a boy slept in my bed)**. Am I wrong? Heeelll no. Like just fucking put you are looking for a hookup.
Second, I hope I get a reply so I can mess with him a bit.

This week I also realized that there are definitely basic white dudes all over these dating apps. My friend Cass* added a couple of things to the basic white dude list, so she gets credit for those.

Me: "#BasicWhiteDudes: likes brunch, sarcasm, "good" beer (IPA, probably), the patio, dogs, tacos, throwing themselves down cold mountains for fun, and The Office. Also think they are Ron Swanson. Bless your basic hearts."
Cass*: "and the gym. also ron swanson is excellent but he is also HORRIBLE, POLITICALLY, SO."

We're not wrong. Come at us.

Also, is everybody a fucking pilot?! No offense, skunk boy, because you cool (and your mid-life crisis plane is really pretty), but I had NO idea there were so many out there.


Also, I wonder if any of these dudes have any idea that I'm actually documenting some of these interactions. It's a bit amusing. I figure eventually I might get caught or called out. Or I might let someone into my actual writing world (here's looking at you SB. That was NOT an easy decision, btw), and freak the fuck out a little bit because like this is my gahtdamb soul (this reminds of the Megan and Annie dialogue in Bridesmaids, where Megan talks about her cruise ship accident, and the dolphin who looked into Megan's soul; "my god-damn soul, Annie.")

Antyway. It's Thursday.

*Not using her real name unless I get permission.

**So this boy who slept in my bed thing is becoming my own personal inside joke. Like I can do things because of that. Like I'm superhuman, and a mother fucking dragon now. Like Maleficent, but a lot nicer and understood. Come at me.