Last night it was so hot in my bedroom, because my window unit isn't keeping up in this heat, that I went out to the living room to sleep on the AC vent. No lie. I literally slept on the vent. I took my pillows, blanky (yes, I still have a blanky), the cat, and I curled up on that vent and fell asleep. I was out there until around 4:30, and then went back to bed to sleep for another hour and a half. My room had cooled down just enough. I hurt just a little bit today because, lemme tell you, sleeping on the floor, on a metal vent is not that comfortable! Thus, my life motto applies to this situation: "Well, I thought it was a good idea at the time!"
I had a Deandra moment to write about, but I forgot what it was.
So I'm talking to a dude right now, and he has actually surprised me. Like, I'm impressed, surprised, and he's making me think. Like, we are having an actual dialogue about thoughtful things. Like, actually getting to know each other. What has happened?! Does it take a lot to surprise me? Yes-ish. I'm not really surprised when I see the fucked up or bad in people, and I'm not surprised to see the good in people. But I'm surprised to see the woke in dudes in this area. Like real woke-ness, and being in tune with themselves. Like what? Huh. I like this.
I might like this, but it's also scaring the shit out of me. Why? Because this dude sounds very grounded and together. He knows what he wants. While this is what I want, this is the kind of thing that I'm afraid of. Because he's actually mindful and available. I'm attracted to the unavailable because that means that I don't actually have to engage in a real-ass, grounded relationship with them. I don't know how to do that being in a relationship with an available person thing.
Huh. Go figure.
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