Food: I'm Not Feeling It

I'm at this place with eating where I only want pickles, chocolate and peanut butter things, breakfast burritos with green dragon sauce, tempura sushi (is that really sushi tho?), cheese chips (the actual parm or asiago baked cheese things), iced covfefe, and the occasional bowl of panang curry. Like that is it.

I just tried to eat some peanut butter and honey toast because, for a very brief moment that I tried to capitalize on, it sounded good. A couple of bites into it, and I was done. The Body was like, "Yo, I'm over this! I will not tolerate anymore. Go drink your tea." Last night, I couldn't decide what to eat, but I got all creative and made...an Italian meat and cheese wrap. A wrap. That was it! I'm not saying this in an Ooo, great job, diety type of way. I'm pissed off because I didn't have the body led motivation to want to make anything else. It was like, "Eh, the wrap will do...I GUESS."

I want to eat goddammit!

Like I want to want good food that I've made, but I just don't want the food at the same time which means that I'm not making it. Because I don't want to eat it. It's a weird space, and I don't like it.

Maybe I'll do the meal kit delivery thing for a while again. Because I need to do something. I need to eat things. This being hungry but not wanting to eat anything but pickles or cheese chips or breakfast burritos isn't going to work in the long-run.

The other component in this whole eating shit show is that I'm getting full really quickly. Which is a whole nother thing that contributes to my eating quandary: if I start eating something that fills me up quickly (for example, the peanut butter toast), I feel like my hunger/fullness signal goes off. I kind of think I've messed those up again with the ADHD med that I'm on.

It's incredibly frustrating because I feel like I'm wasting food at home because I don't want to cook it because whatever I was originally going to make isn't what I want.

I love to cook. I'm a bomb-ass cook. I make amazing food.

But the idea of eating it is getting in the way of me making it.